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| by smilesdaball |
I have been following a blog called "Holy Experiences" and after hearing about the authors personal story, her history, I thought... "Here is someone who has had a past similar to mine". As I discovered more about her, I learned she wrote a book called "One Thousand Gifts"
One thing I am learning as I walk with God is that His lessons are never ones you would expect.
Recently things in my home and around me have fallen apart. Literally! One thing after another is breaking down. Does this mean I live in a disaster? Not at all. My home is one of pride for me. One of joy.
Lesson 1 : Contentment
I enjoy learning how to be content with my home and after the 2nd break down (water heater then closet) I thought God wanted me to learn even further contentment. Why would breaking things mean contentment? That is because I walked into my Husbands home, then fiance, with distaste in my mouth. The thought of lowering myself to live in a trailer was awful, but I looked at myself as a martyr for sacrificing myself for him. What a horrid way for me to think. He felt it, he heard it, he saw it... my disgust. My poor dear husband, I am so sorry! Then he got a job where he was not home for 2 weeks at a time. During his periods away, I was being changed by God. God was showing me, telling me that what a blessed person I am to have a home such as I do. A safe haven. A protector for my family. My husband did not see this change.
So when the water heater broke down, and it was my almost nagging that made him check on it. He was sure that I was rubbing in what a trash of a home we have. Oh, he was fustrated, so angry at me. I tried so hard to be nice, to be extra helpful, not quite sure what was making him angry. My works were against me. Everything I did only worked further against me. He saw it as me rubbing it in. God finally showed me a time where I could show him my hurt and speak to him. My husband told me how I made him feel. I was so aghast at myself. That my cold curt comments from over 4 years ago still hurt him.
I pray: "God, please help me to show him the growing contentment you continue to nurture within me. Please also help me to learn how to communicate with my husband, as easily as I can talk with you. Thank you for this lesson learned."
Ever since reading Mandy's Blog post about Imperfect (here) I have tossed and tossed word after word though my head. What a great idea. Rather than say "lose weight" or "stop yelling"... to just pick one word and focus on it for the year. Finally, today, 13 days into January I found my word: BE
Just BE
Slow down and BE
Less do, more BE
Why BE? It started because I am over extending myself. I do this, and that, bible studies, mops, discipleship class, girl scouts, pta (pto), babysitting, more and more and more. My life is so much about doing, but i need to just BE. I need to slow down and feel things around me, experience things. I need to stop doing a hundred church related things in a desperate search to experience GOD. How am i supposed to know him, when i am so busy? I need to just BE.
I don't know how im going to do this. Some epiphanies will find their way into my brain. But that is my goal this year. BE.
Be happy
Be with God
Be a mom
Be a wife
Be silly...
Products used from scrapgirls.com: Life's Canvas Collection Biggie; Assemble Your Own Zoom Pages - 4x6: Life's Canvas; Dress Up Word Art Mini; Pin It Up Word Art Mini; ScrapSimple Tools - Actions: Sketch It PS 8501
Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it
Titus 2:4 - that they may train the young women to love their husbands, to love their children
I have just learned what LOVE really is. Its not an emotion of passion, yearning, and joy. Its instead an ACT. If God commands husbands to love their wives, and he instructs women to learn to love their husbands, then it cannot be an emotion.
I get the weekly newsletter from Dr Gary Chapman, and he went over this. And its TRUE. I have spent the last week coming to my husband in a new way. I know his love language is acts of service, so he has come home to a clean house, home cooked meals, even his work clothes washed (ugh). The joy it brought him for me to do those simple things for him is indescribable.
I honestly will admit that I was worried about us. We have gone through so much since November, and I was so scared he was starting to hate me (My issues with the fact he was divorced, deep down Im afraid he will do the same with me, gotta get past it!). Instead, with my small selflish acts, he is now responding to me in a new way. I can almost cry right now thinking of it. I feel more LOVE from him now then ever before.
Wives - Learn to love your Husbands!!!!!
Get Dr Chapmans newsletters here: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
Wow how this is moving, thought provoking. This year is a hard year for Christmas for our family, as was last year. We have already begun to be part of the conspiriacy.
What about you? Watch this....
Yesterday I took a test that my pastor sent to those of us who were attending a women's luncheon and discussion on spiritual gifts. When I took the test, I was absolutely confident that the results would show that my gift is either Serving or Giving. Why? Because I give myself like no other, I serve like crazy everywhere, and I give anything I have to others in need.
I was completely floored when the results said my gift was Mercy. "NO!" my head shouted, that is not right! Now, dont get me wrong here, I am an extremely sensitive person. I empathize with others easily, and my heart can feel exactly what they are in any given moment. The problem is, I can not communicate. On ScrapGirls.com so many put up prayer requests, and upon reading them, my heart is sad, broken and I have genuine concern for them. But I cant begin to write that... I just dont know what to say. So, is that Mercy?
Upon reading this description further, it goes on to talk about how those who have Mercy as a gift tend to feel concern more with the person than the reasoning. That Mercy people want to minister by "being there" when others really need them, while others are concerned about why, what, when or how. OKAY, now I am starting to get it. That sounds MUCH more like me.
But what about those other gifts I was so sure I had? I mean, gosh, I volunteer and love it, I give and love it. After talking with a group of ladies at the luncheon I know have it! Most of the things I volunteer for, or give for, are things I'm actually first thinking of that person emotionally. For example: Last year our bible study got wind of a lady who's husband left her and the kids with no money, and only the house. She had no job as she was a stay at home mom, and Easter was coming. Everyone in the study brought in food and Safeway gift certificates. Me? What did i bring? I dug into my case of brand new girls clothes and gave her daughters some new clothes and outfits they could use for Easter. Upon digging deeper I realized, my concern was her as a mother feeling sad that on Easter she couldn't do an Easter outfit. My thought was how I would feel as that mother, and rather than food, I gave to fill a possible emotional need.
So, on conclusion, I feel like Mercy really is my gift at this time. And that God has given me Service, and Giving as a method of fulfilling my Mercy gift.
What an eye opener today has been. Praise God, for he gives each of us truly wonderful gifts, we only need to see them, understand them, and not let them go to waste!
Angela
The last month has been one of... the weirdest experiances of my life!
*First, suddenly, out of the blue... the microwave just died on me ...
*Second, my vacumn then died on me
*third, my phone deceided that i no longer needed a speakerphone or a bluetooth ear piece.
*fourth, my computer did a simple update, and it almost crashes and i can no longer use firefox
*fifth, i almost dropped out of my bible study as im only on chapter 4 and they are on chapter 11 &12!
*sixth, my windshield cracked again (jeeps, gotta love em)
*seventh, i went through a pregnancy scare (ive got 3! lol)
But those and other things... i took in stride. Kept remembering Ro's new thing "blessings" was doing a good job keeping my head up high, tinkered with the microwave, got a part and it works. Vacume works (have no clue what i did, but it does), found an alternate way to use speakerphone... and on and on... i wont let it bring me down!
But today... I needed milk... im coming into the house, with 2 gallons, and 2 bags of groceries... and... i step... down... on a ... toy ... car... and all i feel is my ankle going out from under me, and actually touching the ground. I have ended up with one of the worst sprained ankles of my life! It hurt so bad, i was laying on the floor crying, and my girls (blessings they are) put the groceries away.
Want to know my blessing from this?
Im resting with peace.
For the first time in months, ive slowed down and with a bad ankle have forced myself to rest. Forced myself to let go that i couldnt make a "perfect" dinner.. cereal! haha... God has opened my eyes this evening to some real peace, that there are times when i just need to slow down and enjoy my family.
Here is a treat for you....
James 1: 2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
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